Gilmore Girls Quotes, Emily Says Hello

And all I see is a mass of confusion of who I am and what I gotta be..

Rory: Hello?
Lorelai: Hi, guess where I am.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Go on, guess.
Rory: Oh, I don't know, Luke's?
Lorelai: But not just at Luke's, on the phone at Luke's. And it's all perfectly legal, because I'm on the diner's phone.
Rory: A loophole, nice.
Lorelai: Gotta love a loophole.
Luke: Hey!
Lorelai: Hun, hold on a sec.
Luke: What are you doing back here?
Rory: You didn't have permission to be behind the counter, did you?
Lorelai: You don't need permission if you're the girlfriend!
Luke: A sack of potatoes falls on your head, the insurance company doesn't care if you're the girlfriend.
Lorelai: Well, you're storing potatoes in a very weird place if you're worried about them falling on people's heads.
Luke: Go, go, get!
Lorelai: Okay, I'm getting.
Rory: He's kicking you out!
Lorelai: No. He's just my boyfriend, so protective of my safety, the thought of food falling on my head makes him crazy.

Rory: I am sick of humoring Grandma and Grandpa during this stupid separation of theirs. This "drinks here, dinner there" is dumb. It's not working, and we should not do it anymore.
Lorelai: Well, if you feel it is best to end the Friday night dinners, then, as your mother, I feel it is my duty to support you.
Rory: I'm not saying we should end Friday night dinners.
Lorelai: Okay, well, then, as your mother, I feel it is my duty to tell you that you're wrong.

Rory: So this Friday I'll have dinner with one and you'll have dinner with the other. This way we can each talk to them, one on one. Break them down. So, which one do you want me to take? How about I'll take Grandpa and you'll take Grandma.
Lorelai: Bah! No.
Rory: Okay, then I'll take Grandma, you take Grandpa.
Lorelai: Bah! No.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Can't I take the butler? He doesn't talk much and, as far as I can tell, thoroughly enjoys the way I dress. She's throwing things at me! Religious sanctuary, please.
Rory: The butler is not an option.

Lorelai: Don't gloat.
Emily: I'm not gloating.
Lorelai: Yes, you are.
Emily: I just said I'm glad she's okay. That's not gloating.
Lorelai: It was your tone. Like you were covering up for being gloaty by being extra non-gloaty.
Emily: I swear, I'm not gloating.
Lorelai: Well, I don't know. If it walks like a gloat and quacks like a gloat...

Michel: We need to talk.
Lorelai: Shoot.
Michel: There's a couple here I thought I recognized but I was not sure. So I consulted an old guest ledger from the Independence Inn and found a physical description that confirmed their identities.
Lorelai: Physical description?
Michel: Yes. I had described them with astonishing accuracy, down to the crooked eyes and unsightly moles.
Lorelai: You have a system of describing what people's moles look like?
Michel: Mm-hmm. Moles, freckles, estimate of weight, are they buxom, is their chin cleft, do they walk with any sort of limp, et cetera, et cetera. But this is beside the point. You remember the Bathrobe Bandits.
Lorelai: No.
Michel: The married couple, from Massachusetts that stole bathrobes from the Independence Inn every time they came. We called them the Bathrobe Bandits. They are here.
Lorelai: Did they bring their moles?
Michel: With your permission I'm going to remove their bathrobes from their room as a preventive measure.
Lorelai: No, no, no. Michel, come on! If they steal robes, we can just charge their credit card.
Michel: And if they take a credenza! Or a couch! You think they'll stop at robes?
Lorelai: Then I'll start jotting down mole locations along with you. But for now, let's take a flyer on them.

Lorelai: But at some point you have to face facts, and the facts are, he's moved on.
Emily: And therefore I should move on also.
Lorelai: Absolutely. Move on dot org.
Emily: I think it's time for me to date.
Lorelai: Oh, my God.
Emily: I want to go on a date.
Lorelai: With... a man?
Emily: No, a weasel. Of course with a man!
Lorelai: I'm not hearing this.

Emily: You see a man, you walk up to him and you say...
Lorelai: Hello.
Emily: Is that too forward?
Lorelai: No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.

Lorelai: Grandma wants to date.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: She wants to date men who hang out at the club and who have expressed interest in her in the past.
Rory: What do you mean she wants to date? You weren't supposed to make her want to date! You were supposed to make her want to get back together with Grandpa!
Lorelai: Hey, I told you not to make me have dinner alone with her. I said "Are you getting back together with Dad?" and she said he wouldn't butter her roll.
Rory: I can't believe you.
Lorelai: I'm sorry. I tried.
Rory: You did not try.
Lorelai: I did try, I just sucked at it. Look, she probably didn't mean it, okay? She's just mad at Dad, and she was just talking. Next week we'll switch. You can have dinner with my mother, and I'll marry my dad off to a nice baroness.

Lorelai: Hello?
Emily: You get over here right now!
Lorelai: Who is this?
Emily: This is you in twenty years! Who is this, I swear!
Lorelai: Mom, calm down.
Emily: He'll be here in one hour and I have no idea what to wear. You've got to come right now.
Lorelai: Who'll be there in one hour? Dad?
Emily: Simon McLane!
Lorelai: Who is Simon McLane?
Emily: He's my date!
Lorelai: What?!
Emily: I have no idea what to put on. I'm in a blind panic and it's all your fault.
Lorelai: How is it my fault?
Emily: Because I used your line and it worked!
Lorelai: What line?
Emily: Hello!
Lorelai: Hello is not my line. Hello is not a line. Hello is hello.
Emily: Well all I know is I hello-d him today and now he's taking me to dinner.

Emily: If you don't get over here right now I'm going to book a DAR function at the Dragonfly every single weekend from now until I die!
Lorelai: I'll be right there!

- Oh, man, I'm tired.
- Living is exhausting.

- You know, once I found out my father wasn't really my father, we started getting along much better.
- Stop it.
- I'm serious. Suddenly the pressure was off. If something happens I don't automatically have to give him a kidney. I can weigh my options.

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