Gilmore Girls Quotes, The Party's Over

Well I must be crazy if I follow every word you say..

Lorelai: I smell meat, is that meat?
Maid: Why, yes, miss, it is meat.
Lorelai: Oh, he called me miss. There's meat and a miss, I'm happy.

Emily: Who's she talking to?
Lorelai: How should I know?
Emily: Well, you're the one who taught her to leave her cell phone on at the dinner table.
Lorelai: That's for safety, Mom. In case someone forces her to eat five chickens and she has to call 911.

Kyon: But Mrs. Kim, she says that fries are the devil's starchy fingers.
Lane: They're hot and delicious and they don't have any flaxseed in them.

Paris: You sleep with one old guy, and suddenly you're Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Lane: Didn't you just say grace?
Kyon: Yes, but that was for the soda.
Lane: Kyon, tip, if you pray over every single thing you eat you might never be able to leave the table.

Rory: So, you're off the hook.
Lorelai: Off the hook, for what?
Rory: Friday night. Grandma and Grandpa are having a party for their Yale alumni friends.
Lorelai: Really? This is news!
Rory: So you're free as a bird.
Lorelai: Wo-ow, Friday night without my mother! I don't know if I can deal! You might have to come over and force-feed me pickled herring and tell me what a disappointment I am.

Lane: Oh, you're home. Do you want to talk about dinner?
Zach: Um, sure, or about how your mom totally attacked me today.
Lane: What?
Zach: I'm standing out on the street in broad daylight, and, like, out of nowhere, bam! She was in my face, crazy and screaming!
Lane: Zach! Slow down, I don't understand.
Zach: She cursed me, Lane! What's not to understand? She went on and on about burning in hellfire and swimming in Satan's sludge, and hell-dogs eating me, and I gotta tell you, it sounded bad.

Zach: She knows everything! She sees everything, you know that.
Lane: She doesn't know everything, Zach.
Zach: Well, she knows about you and me, and she's sending me to hell for it, and I've got to tell you this is not cool. This is not rock and roll.

Lorelai: Me? But, I can't cook.
Luke: It's not cooking, it's stirring.
Lorelai: No, I'm not good with big spoons, unless there's ice cream on the end - okay.

Lorelai: Um, excuse me. How fast am I supposed to be stirring here?
Luke: Just keep it from sticking.
Lorelai: It's bubbling and turning brown.
Luke: It's fine.
Lorelai: Well, what constitutes sticking?
Luke: You can't ruin it.
Lorelai: I can, I have powers. I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

Lorelai: Do you have a pencil?
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: 'Cause there are twelve ways out of that house that they don't know about. Write this down. First, the basement. It's a little dusty, but almost foolproof. If you can't get there, grab a screwdriver and jimmy the back of my mother's closet. There's a false back.
Rory: Mom...
Lorelai: And if they haven't trimmed the trees yet, the second guest bathroom window opens out onto the massive elm and you can shimmy right down.
Rory: I am not going to shimmy. I don't need to sneak out, it's fine.

Lane: What do you do every Sunday between noon and four?
Kyon: I study.
Lane: And then?
Kyon: And then I wait for Mrs. Kim to get home from her Crochet for Christ group with her sister.
Lane: Okay. And what do you do while you're waiting? while you're waiting for my mother to get home?
Kyon: Oh, I cannot!
Lane: Why?
Kyon: Mrs. Kim does not want me to watch the television!
Lane: And how would she know?
Kyon: Because, there's a little machine in the television set that will tell her what I watch!
Lane: Ha!
Kyon: What ha?
Lane: That machine does not exist.
Kyon: It does not?
Lane: Nope. It took me fifteen years to figure it out, but that's the truth.
Kyon: So she cannot know?
Lane: She also cannot smell fast food on you even after you've showered.
Kyon: She can't?
Lane: And she can't tell how many times you've opened your bible by staring at your palm.
Kyon: My head spins!
Lane: And you don't have to hand out all those religious flyers she gives you. Just post enough of them around here regular route home and she'll think the job is done.
Kyon: I think I need to lie down.
Lane: It's a whole new world, Kyon. A world I fought long and hard to figure out and I'm willing to pass all my knowledge on to you.

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