Gilmore Girls Quotes, You Jump, I Jump, Jack

I don't need someone to tell me who to be today..

Lorelai: Oh, I'm late.
Emily: I know.
Lorelai: Blame the insane people driving in front of me. They had a "honk if you love to scuba dive" bumper sticker on the back of their car, so I honked.
Emily: You don't scuba dive.
Lorelai: Yes, but I've been testing people who have "honk" bumper stickers lately to see if they really want people to honk. Guess what? They don't. I lay on my horn, and this alleged scuba diver slows to a crawl in front of me just out of revenge, and I'm screwed.
Emily: You need a hobby.
Lorelai: Yes, actually.
Rory: Hey, what happened?
Emily: She honked.
Rory: Oh, another bumper sticker test.
Lorelai: I just thought up a great idea for a reality show. You pull people over who have those "honk if you love whatever" bumper stickers, you kidnap them, and you make them do whatever the bumper sticker says they like to do, whether they do it or not. And then you make them eat bugs.

- Honk if Emily Gilmore views your mind as her personal playground.
- Honk, honk.

Charles Graw used to eat aspirin like candy. He ate candy like candy, too, hence the belly like jell-o.

Lorelai: How dark is it?
Luke: How dark is what?
Lorelai: The cumulus nimbus hovering over my head. The black cloud. Was that a drop?
Luke: What are you talking about?
Lorelai: I have some very bad news.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: My mother is insisting on having dinner with us.
Luke: That's it?
Lorelai: Did you hear what I said? Mother, dinner, us? That's on a par with car, test, crash test dummy. Don't worry, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get us out of this. I promise.
Luke: Why?
Lorelai: What do you mean, why?
Luke: Let's just do it, get it over with. Meeting the parents comes with the territory. We can't put it off forever.
Lorelai: Oh yeah? My fourth grade teacher wanted a meeting with my parents. She was hit by a bus six years ago. Never got the meeting.
Luke: Book it.
Lorelai: Luke!
Luke: Book it.
Lorelai: Okay. But I'm warning you. If I call and tell her, and then you change your mind and you want to back out, we're going to have to leave the country. And have extensive facial surgery, and sex changes. Both of us, so that we can, you know, kiss and not look funny.

Lorelai: Now listen, I want you to be careful about your consumption of booze.
Luke: I'm not going to drink too much.
Lorelai: No, no, no. You've got it backwards, there, Pablo. Ride the pink elephant, baby, 'cause it's your only defense against Emily Gilmore unless you're packing a Kolishnikov.

Emily: So, how's that diner of yours?
Luke: It's doing great. No matter what the economic climate, people gotta eat.

Lorelai: You cannot go golfing with my father.
Luke: It's a done deal.
Lorelai: What is that man up to? What is he doing?
Luke: Ouch.
Lorelai: What are you doing?
Luke: I'm looking for a book my dad had somewhere around here. "Learn Golf the Arnold Palmer Way. " I can't find it.
Lorelai: I beseech you. Do not go golfing with my father.
Luke: It's too late. I said yes.
Lorelai: Why? Why did you say yes?
Luke: I had no choice.
Lorelai: Well, saying no is a choice. Did you learn nothing from the dinner with my mother?
Luke: Apparently not.
Lorelai: Call him and cancel.
Luke: Right, and how would he take that?
Lorelai: Badly, that's why you just hang up real quick.
Luke: And this is a good way to start a relationship with your father.
Lorelai: No, this is the way to end it. God, you're slow.

Lorelai: But you've already met him.
Richard: Well I need to re-meet him.
Lorelai: Why can't you and mom meet someone once and make it stick?

Logan: We did a dozen successful test drops, every potato came through without a scratch.
Rory: Potato?
Logan: You can’t test using people, that’d be dangerous!

Luke: I franchised my place.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: The diner. There’s going to be seven of them, and that’s just on the eastern seaboard. Then, I’m going national.
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Luke: Your father wants to open up a chain of Luke’s Diners, and I think I agreed to it.
Lorelai: No!
Luke: I’ve already got a marketing guy, Herb’s my banker, your father is taking care of all my insurance needs, and apparently, everyone is going to be able to buy stock!
Lorelai: Ugh! My parents, my stupid parents!
Luke: And he wants to shave me.

Lorelai: Hey, do men shave anywhere except their faces?
Rory: I don’t know, I’ve never lived with a man.
Lorelai: Same here.

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