Gilmore Girls Quotes, Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant!

How come you always end up changing your intentions?..

Lorelai: Could you lift, please?
Luke: But the battery’s going to die.
Lorelai: Oh, no, I timed it. It takes 12 hours for the battery to wear out. I go to work at eight o’clock, giving me two hours to spare and a whole day to recharge.

Luke: Why don’t you just change the porch light?
Lorelai: Have you seen how dirty it is up there? With those creepy moths that fly in your face, and you could swallow one, and end up with some weird hand-to-mouth-to-moth disease –
Luke: There’s no such thing.
Lorelai: Oh, no? Did you see Mothman Prophecies?
Luke: Yes.
Lorelai: Oh, well, okay then. Did you see the sequel?
Luke: There’s a sequel?
Lorelai: Yes. It is a heartbreaking saga in which Richard Gere gets a life threatening disease from changing a dirty porch light.
Luke: There was no sequel.

Luke: You left your keys in the stove?
Lorelai: No, my socks.
Luke: Your socks, of course. How naïve of me.
Lorelai: It makes them warm and slightly toasty. Huh, that’s weird.
Luke: What’s weird?
Lorelai: There’s so much to choose from. They’re still damp. I followed the recipe. Bake at two-fifty, ten minutes on one side, ten on the other, they should be done by now.

Paris: I had a dream about you last night.
Rory: If this gets dirty, feel free to keep it to yourself.
Paris: I dreamed that in spite of the fact that you knew I wanted to be assigned the religion beat, you went behind my back to Doyle, cooked him dinner and stole it from me.
Rory: It’s just a dream, Paris.
Paris: You made veal parmigiana, and it felt very real.
Rory:I don’t make veal parmigiana. I don’t make anything, and I don’t want the religion beat. I want features, you know that.
Paris: You say you want features...
Rory: And I mean it.
Paris: Dreams tell you things. It’s our subconscious talking to us. Warning us, telling us about things that are happening.
Rory: Paris...
Paris: My dream was telling me that you are stabbing me in the back with your veal parmigiana.
Rory: Well I must have really overcooked it then.
Paris: Let me smell your hands.

Lorelai: You’re great at the catch up thing, you’re the catch up girl”.... not to be confused with ketchup girl”,, ‘cause that’s not you at all. You were strictly a mustard and relish girl from day one – there’s a little condiment humor for ya.

Rory: No, I’m gonna kick butt. You just wait and see.
Doyle: You’re a reporter now, Gilmore. You’ve gotta learn to say ass.

Doyle: I’ve spent two years kissing Logan’s butt.
Rory: Don’t you mean ass?
Doyle: Whatever.

- They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
- Yeah. Sex can do that also.

Ann: I mean, I just think it’s extremely coincidental that the only thing we can do to save the inn is to get rid of lunch.
Sookie: Well, I’m sure it’s not the only thing. I mean, lunch is my thing. Why do we have to get rid of one of my things? Why can’t we get rid of one of Michel’s things?
Michel: What things? I stand behind a desk and answer a phone. What of mine can you possibly get rid of?
Sookie: The desk! Put the phone on the wall!
Michel: What?

Doyle: Gellar!
Paris: Do you see what I have here in my hand? I’m busy, Doyle.
Doyle: Rabbi Baron says he’s changed his number twice.
Paris: Oh, please.
Doyle: Father Callahan is threatening a restraining order.
Paris: If I had a nickel…
Doyle: And the honorable Muhammed Abdul Aziz says that you stole his flip-flops.
Paris:What a lie. He leaves them out in his hallway and I have told him a million times that people suck, and...
Doyle: Paris!
Paris: What?
Doyle: You have threatened, stalked and basically freaked out every religious leader within a hundred mile radius. This paper has never received so many complaints in the history of its existence.

Lorelai: She’s acting weird. She knows I’m wearing the same outfit as last week.
Rory: She wasn’t here last week.
Lorelai: The world’s small, maids talk.
Rory: About you?
Lorelai: Yes.
Rory: Oh. With all that’s going on in the world, all the maids in existence are talking about you.

Rory: I’m touching the rug with my feet!
Lorelai: Ooh, you’re perverse! Hey, and when she brings the drinks, let’s not use coasters! Hey, I wonder if there’s anything in here that we could un-alphabetize.
Gluing everything in this room to the ceiling so that it’s in exactly the same place, but upside down, be going too far?
Rory: A little.

Okay, fine. I’m on my way. Yes, I’m running. My feet are going like a cartoon character, there are dust clouds behind me and the background keeps repeating itself. Bye!

Kirk: Lunch at the Dragonfly! Get your lunch at the Dragonfly! You have not eaten lunch, till you have eaten lunch at the Dragonfly!
Luke: I mean it, Kirk, get away from here!
Kirk: I am on the sidewalk, Luke! You do not own the sidewalk! The sidewalk is for the common people! The everyman! And every man and every woman would like to have a delicious lunch at the Dragonfly.
Luke: I’m going to call the cops.
Kirk: Cops get free pie! With lunch at the Dragonfly!
Lorelai: Uh, Kirk, what are you doing? You’re a giant hot dog.
Kirk: Technically I’m a giant wiener. The costume tag says wiener”..
Luke: Get him away from my diner. I mean it.
Kirk: Don’t you worry, Lorelai, I have no intention of abandoning my post, and I will not rest till every single person in Stars Hollow has tried lunch at the Dragonfly!
Lorelai: Kirk, I don’t understand this.
Kirk: I’m trying to scrounge up a lunch crowd for you, so I figured I’d go where everybody already has lunch and get them over to you. And I’m doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself!