Gilmore Girls Quotes, Written in the Stars

And once you have become a star..
You got no right to bitch..

Lorelai: Shaken, not stirred, please, Jeeves.
Richard: His name is Robert.
Lorelai: I thought every butler's name was Jeeves.
Richard: He's not a butler. He's a valet.
Lorelai: So he parks your car?
Richard: No, he does not park my car. He does exactly what you see him doing.
Lorelai: So he is a bartender.
Richard: He attends to my needs.
Lorelai: So he's a geisha.
Richard: You'll be quieter once you have a drink, I assume.

Rory: The last time I was in the pool house was the last time I was in the pool.
Lorelai: I know. I pushed you in.

Emily: I thought we could go more exotic now that it's just us girls.
Lorelai: If you really want an exotic girls' night out, Mom, let's hit Baja.

Emily: Well, you should have called, made an appointment.
Richard: To go into my own study?
Emily: You don't live here anymore, Richard. What if I was sitting in the living room stark-naked?
Richard: You've never been in the living room stark-naked. You've never been stark-naked. We went skinny-dipping one night, and you wore an overcoat.
Emily: The water was freezing!

Lorelai: Okay, but think about it. Why do we need the word "potty"? Is it really that much harder for a kid to learn the word "bathroom"?
Rory: I don't know.
Lorelai: "Timmy, do you have to go potty?" Or "Timmy, do you have to go to the bathroom?" See? Interchangeable.
Rory: Not exactly interchangeable.
Lorelai: How are they not interchangeable?
Rory: To go potty is an action. To go to the bathroom is to go into a specific place.
Lorelai: I hate the word "potty. "
Rory: Well, what did you teach me to say?
Lorelai: "Bathroom. "
Rory: You did?
Lorelai: Yes, of course.
Rory: I'm 2, I come up to you and I say, "Mommy, Mommy, I have to go to the -" The room where legends die.
Luke: What can I get you?
Rory: A foster home.

Lorelai: I can't believe you won't flirt with me in front of my daughter. She's gonna think there's something wrong with me.
Luke: Please. I got that confirmation letter a long time ago.

Lorelai: What are we gonna do?
Luke: I've got some thoughts.
Lorelai: Alright, but no taking me to an art museum after hours and then to an empty Hollywood bowl where you give me a pair of diamond earrings that you bought with your college money when all the time you're really in love with your best friend, the drummer, who's posing as our driver for the evening.
Luke: Okay, I'll think of something else.

- So, how was your summer?
- I met Nicole Richie, and then spent the next six weeks showering.

Emily: It's a large stain, and I see it every day when I walk in and out of the door.
Richard: Really? You can see the driveway with your nose way up in the air like that?

Paris: I moved some things around. I also switched our rooms. Now, mine may seem bigger, but yours gets less sun, so you don't have to worry about melanoma.

Lorelai: Is this like a Mafia thing?
Luke: Excuse me?
Lorelai: The whole coming in, special table, reserved sign. Are you gonna have to whack someone before the soup course?
Luke: No, I've filled my whacking quota for the week.

Luke: You don't have to read the whole thing. There's not gonna be a quiz.
Lorelai: I'm almost done. "Four hours later... Sniffy was dead. " Sniffy was dead?! Are you serious? Where's the happy ending?
Luke: Well, that's what happened.
Lorelai: Well, people don't read the back of the menu to find out what really happened. They read the back of the menu to be happy, to be uplifted.

Lorelai: Hey, do you remember the first time we met?
Luke: What?
Lorelai: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?
Luke: It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person
Lorelai: Ooh, is it me? Is it me?
Luke: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy.
Lorelai: Ooh, it's me.
Luke: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her.
Lorelai: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful.
Luke: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me.
Lorelai: God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?
Luke: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under "Scorpio," she had written, "you will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away." I gave her coffee.

Lorelai: I can't believe you kept that horoscope.
Luke: You're just lucky I never clean out my wallet.
Lorelai: You can't take it back now. You've exposed yourself. You've been pining for me.
Luke: I have not been pining.
Lorelai: I'm your Ava Gardner.
Luke: God help me.

Lorelai: What time is it?
Luke: Early.
Lorelai: Hate early. Must kill early.

Emily: I smelled something funny earlier in the northeast corner of the kitchen.
Maid: I sprayed for ants this afternoon.
Emily: Oh, Madonna Louise, I told you never spray that poison all over the place. You simply have to kill the scout ants so they don't go back and tell the rest of them where the food is.

Taylor: Think of the consequences. What will happen when the relationship goes sour, as, let's face it, most of Lorelai's relationships do?
Lorelai: Hey!
Taylor: We'll have to choose. Suddenly you'll either be a 'Luke' or a 'Lorelai', or, if you're Kirk and you can't make a decisiĆ³n to save your life, you'll be neither.

Lorelai: Look, I can't talk right now.
Emily: Well, I'm not done.
Lorelai: I'll call you later.
Emily: I could be dead later.

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